Our Family in Iowa is Moving to Minnesota

Many of you that read my blog know that I did a challenge to write every day in Lent. Early in April I broke my promise and chose to pray daily and keep a private journal.

Early in April Brent was approaching graduation for his Masters degree. His final class was in April and in May he graduated. During this process he also started looking for an ideal job that would follow the career path that he desired for himself. Although I knew it was coming I was not ready for the bitterness that would settle in my heart as we anxiously awaited the next chapter of our lives. For the last three years I have known that we would most likely move out of state. I just didn't know where and when. These last months, they were the hardest. Every time I sat down to write, to journal, only anxiety poured out. Instead of blogging about that I chose to be silent. I chose to pray.

The hardest things ever to face are the unknown. Fear can settle in fast when you can't control your future. Even if the future holds promise, anxiety can really take a toll on the most joyful of hearts. I am a planner. An over planner who over commits and wants to get busy at work right away. Waiting to plan, that is hard for me.

After months of waiting anxiously (and it felt like years!) to find out what happens next I am excited to announce that Brent accepted a job offer in Minneapolis. Brent will be working for Honeywell in Golden Valley starting July 7th. The kids and I will move late this summer, once we are done with summer activities here.

I'm not really excited about packing. I don't like moving. I'm also definitely NOT excited about Minnesota winters. I would prefer somewhere warmer to be perfectly honest. But hey maybe the kids will finally get to play hockey and I hear we have some skiing options in the winter. And it is still in the Midwest, close to most of our family in a really cool city. *silver lining*

However, it is going to be really difficult leaving behind all of the wonderful people here in Iowa. I know we will visit and we will see family and friends from time to time. I know also that many will make the drive to visit us. Note: you guys better come visit!!! But not being able to drop in for that book club, or youth outing, or playdate, or meeting for drinks at the wine bar or being close to Kinnick for tailgates and just a short drive from family--that won't be easy.

I'm not good at goodbyes, I get overly emotional and say stupid stuff. So forgive me if I sound like I think it is the end of the world. We do know how huge of a blessing this is for our family. We are excited to start a new adventure but saying goodbye to these things is bitter sweet.

If there is one thing I want to say, it is that we could not have been more blessed, more encouraged, and more supported by our friends and family. It is going to be hard to leave home. I don't know where our journey will take us. I don't know what kind of adventures we will have next. What I do know is that Our Family will always call Iowa home. Always. 

Thank you friends. Please keep in touch. :-)

Treasures

Spring is here and the nice weather means that new life is stirring outside. Our yard has little tulips and daffodils starting to peek up through the dirt. We are all anxious awaiting for them to pop up and bring color and new life into this world. Every morning I can hear all the birds and squirrels outside our windows.Our yard has never looked great (yard work is not on our list of priorities) but hey it is starting to be green again.

Spring doesn't just bring with it new life, it brings with it new beginnings.

This winter has just been hard. The harsh weather has meant that we have been maybe a little too close to each other. There are only so many activities to do with young kids. We are all eager to get outside and enjoy the sun. There are wide open spaces, with plenty of distance between each other to spare. Now that spring is here I am so thankful for the chance to escape and bring a little fun back in our days. Most of all I am ready for the return of sanity. Also an end to the season of shoveling. And shoveling. And shoveling. And snow days and school delays. I am over those too.

Both of our boys are enjoying playing soccer, basketball, jumping on the trampoline with the neighbor kids, and riding their bikes. Eleanor is learning how to ride a bike and loves going on walks with Oliver every morning to the park. We have already gone through a brand new box of chalk and are ready to break out the bubble and kites this week.

We had our first picnic lunch this week and last week we had s'mores with friends. For the first weekend in forever we had an entire Saturday free to spend as a family at home just doing nothing. We just hung out and had nowhere to go. We managed to get some tasks done, but mostly we just spent time together.

This morning I wasn't fully awake and I was not really excited about the day. I was just exhausted. I threw an outfit together, brushed my teeth, decided my hair looked okay, and that I could wait on the shower. After breakfast and taking Thomas to school I took Eleanor on a wagon ride, my big coffee mug in one hand and the wagon handle in the other. Oliver rode ahead of us on his bike. It just felt good. The kids were so excited to be going to the park. I was excited because we weren't inside. I was happy because I had more than a second to gather my thoughts while they were occupied playing outside. I had coffee even. It was cold already, but I didn't care because I had coffee and that was enough.

My house, it was a disaster. A weeks worth of clean laundry needed put away. My kitchen and bathroom I won't even describe. My living room had the contents of a spilled cereal baggie that I still needed to sweep up from this morning's breakfast. My papers were scattered all across the couch from after class and my purse lay dumped out on the floor because my two year decided to search it for money or candy, I'm not sure which.

None of this bothered me. Normally this would have made me loose my sanity. Truthfully it would have. Today though, I really didn't care. I knew I would get to it all eventually. Today, we were going to just get outside.

Life gets fast sometimes or painful. Life can also get boring or lonely. Sometimes we get disconnected and sometimes we just need space. It is little things like these that make me happy. They are little moments to be treasured. They are blessings.

I have so much gratitude for days like today and this last week. Some days just are crappy. I mean really, we have all had them. But the good ones are like medicine for our souls, they make them not matter. There are bad days. But there are always good days too. There is always something better waiting for us. A treasure to be found.

Matthew 6:21 says that "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

I am so thankful that God would give me little treasures like these. They are not treasures that we think about here on earth, but treasures of our heart and soul. They are gifts. I know I take them for granted a lot, but I am thankful for them today. Treasures like these are important.

Birthday Reflections

Last weekend I celebrated my 27th birthday.  Birthdays I think are a great time to reflect back on our past. I like to think about all the different blessings and challenges I have had as well as what opportunities and obstacles I might face in the future. This birthday was no different.

I did have a lot of blessings in the last year. We traveled literally around the world to China, I had some amazing service opportunities in our church, and we moved to a new town and made several new friends that I hope to have for life. I had our challenges too. Our middle child had surgery and I am continually exhausted from the stress of raising kids in a home where one parent is both working full time and in school. Grad students everywhere I know you can relate. Life balance is hard to achieve right now. I am not always my best self.  There are days where I am just in parenting survival mode because those perfectly laid plans I made are just not going to happen. I have to let it go.

Letting go I think is always the hardest battle. You are admitting that some things are out of your control. Maybe you even realize that everything is out of your control. Suddenly things look really uncertain.

So much of life is unknown. To overcome that, we make big plans to make ourselves feel like we can control life. We fill up our calendar and schedules with important to-do items. However, sometimes we plan so much that we micromanage every minute of our time. I definitely do this. My plans become elaborate and I fill in any "free" time to make myself more productive.

One of the things I really learned this year was in one of my parenting survival mode moments.  Here I was trying to get my kids to bend their wills to my plans for the day. Let me tell you: getting a headstrong seven year old, a distracted five year old, and a defiant two year old to cooperate is no cakewalk. We are talking about a battle of epic proportions. Here I stood trying not to lose it because MY kids were not sticking to the itinerary, to MY plans!

I realized that this is no way to live life. My kids don't need to be in a ton of sports that have us constantly on the go.  We don't need to say yes to every opportunity that we encounter. Our calendar shouldn’t be so complicated that it practically needs an interpreter as if it is in some foreign language. Soccer, dance, swimming, commitments – these things by themselves are not bad things.  It is when we over schedule and are busy all the time that this is bad.  When we live like this our calendar dictates our lives. It controls us. It defines our lives instead of the other way around. 

I will be the first to admit we are so guilty of this. I need to make sure we as a family change our priorities so time, calendars, and to-do lists don’t define our lives. I need to put God first, family second, everyone else next.
 
I don’t want us to be so busy that God becomes something random.  I don’t often get things right with God. I will definitely admit I don’t always put God first. But I think I’m learning that maybe a little less is more for our family right now.  I’m less distracted from prayer, from church, from my relationship with God when I center my life in this way. Freeing up my schedule actually frees me. I think that is definitely something I can keep on my to-do list.

Emmanuel Is A Gift For Every Day

I have a million and one things to do today but I can't help it, I had to write out what I am feeling right now. Here we are, getting ready to travel for the holidays. I should be meticulously going over my to do list and packing and wrapping and plenty more. However, I just need to write some things out. I am filled with joy and I just can't keep it to myself.

Today, I helped my husband file a grant application for my children's school. He works for a company that every year offers grants to employees that volunteer locally in schools of up to $3000 for schools. Last year we helped a Cedar Rapids school receive funds for iPads and after school enrichment programs. This year we are applying for a grant for the Mount Vernon Elementary School. The funds will go towards new library books that the school is in great need of replacing. We will find out in February if the grant is approved but I am just so excited that we are in a position that we can help bless our community. It could be the book lover in me but giving $3000 in books really feels like Christmas!

It isn't just what is happening in our own home. This week I have been constantly reminded of all the blessings that God gives to us. We celebrated Oliver's 5th birthday yesterday but it is more than just that. I see blessings filling up the hearts of family and friend around me. I see reasons for joy everywhere.

My Facebook feed keeps lighting up with people sharing about carolers singing at their doorstep and strangers doing random acts of kindness. It is friends sharing how they donated to Toys for Tots. It is a group of moms helping another mom that needs help this Christmas. It is a picture of the Angel Tree at our church literally overflowing with Christmas gifts for children here in our city. These are just "small" things that have such a big impact on our communities.  When we give even the smallest of gifts, we give something more.

Earlier this month a friend shared that her adoption of two children from Ghana is going through. They have been on this journey to adopt for quite a long time. They have been through their fair share of challenges with many ups and downs. However, their hearts kept calling them to keep going forward. This week the visas for their children were finally approved. Even more of a blessing, they will fly home just two days before Christmas. It is the story of a real Christmas miracle. What a blessing to witness this miracle. Two children now have a loving home, all because they opened their hearts to God.

For over a year another friend has been battling lead in her home. Her son has lead poisoning and it has been a struggle for their family to manage. This fall their youngest child was also diagnosed with high lead levels. It was a blow to their family. However, with the support of friends they were able to push through and get some resources for her family. Friends and family and people from both Cedar Rapids and around the world have been pooling together through Lead Safe America Foundation to help. They now have enough funds for their family move into a temporary residence. Their family has been a blessing to hundreds of families here in Cedar Rapids. I love that our community is giving back to them when they need the love and support the most. I love that our community is selflessly supporting each other when we need each other. This is love.

So often we get busy during this season of the year. So often our lives stay too busy all year long. So often good news gets drowned out by all the bad things in life. These prove to me that good things still happen.

The reason for the season is not presents. The reason is Christ came to us many years ago as God's gift to us. God came to be with us. Emmanuel. God is with us. To witness these acts of giving and be a part of it, it gives me something more. It is life changing. It is transforming. To experience this is a real Christmas blessing.

These things are so encouraging to me. The empower me. They show me that the spirit of God is with us. That God is present in our lives. God is alive when we give to others. These are gifts of peace, joy, hope and the greatest gift of all: LOVE.

Christmas can be every day, because every day is an opportunity to give. Christmas is not December 25th. Christmas is forever. Every day is Christmas.

Give Peace.
Share Joy.
Be Hope.
Most of all, LOVE.

Every day. All the time. Forever.

Life is a gift

I remember the first time I found a gray hair. It was a few years ago. It was a big surprise and I wasn't ready to admit I was you know...older. It made me panic.

Call it vanity but I fought with that hair. I wrestled with it. I was not ready to admit that I wouldn't always be young. I didn't accept it as beautiful. I was not ready to face the idea that I would one day grow old and face death. That gray hair was ugly because it was stealing time. Each day that passed was one less day I had to live.

I ended up chasing more days and seeking more time. My life became a rush. One constant blur of me trying to squeeze out whatever I could. I had to get the most out of life. What I had was not enough. I was fighting time. Any obstacles I would conquer no matter the cost. I wanted to do it all.

I’m late, I’m late for  A very important date. No time to say hello, good-bye,  I’m late, I’m late, I’m late I’m late and when I wave,  I lose the time I save. My fuzzy ears and whiskers  Took me too much time to shave. I run and then I hop, hop, hop,  I wish that I could fly. There’s danger if I dare to  Stop and here’s a reason why: I’m over-due, I’m in a rabbit stew.  Can’t even say good-bye, hello, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.
~ The White Rabbit, Alice in Wonderland

Everywhere I went I was like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. I was late. Rush rush rush. Always somewhere to be. Something to do. Never did I think to slow down.

This way of life started to pour into my relationships. Into my marriage. Into my parenting. My friendships. Our schedule was overloaded, I was tired. Trying to do it all. We would rush out the door, irritated with each other. Never really appreciating each other.

The thing about fighting time is you can't win. Chasing time makes it escape faster. Time slips away, you are older and you haven't learned anything. Nothing changes. You end up out of breath. Overwhelmed. Our society encourages this, tells us it is normal. All part of life. Being busy is encouraged. People would ask me how I was and what I had been up to. I would reply, "Busy, just been busy."

I was attempting to seize the day. Carpe Diem!

The thing is, living life so busy sometimes makes you forget the important things. In the rush for more time you lose time. You could say aging forced me to face the idea of death. This challenged me. What ended up happening was something I can't really explain.

Somewhere along the way my idea of life changed. Each day is a gift. Each wrinkle and each stray little gray hair is beautiful. Each stretch mark on my belly. They represent so much of my life. They represent so many blessings. The stretch marks are love scars of my three children. The wrinkles tell the seasons of my life. My changing hair mark the change in me.

"I watch the hands move grace on the clock face. I'm growing older. These children growing up. But time is not running out. This day is not a sieve, losing time. With each passing minute, each passing year, there's the deepening awareness that I am filling, gaining time. We stand on the brink of eternity."  --Ann Voskamp

Every day that I grow older is sacred. Aging marks the passing of time in my life. Days are blessings that count out all of my life. They sing out my life song. They are beauty. They are wisdom. They are understanding.

Every day is a gift waiting to be unwrapped. I unwrap it slowly and enjoy time. Every day is a step towards more time. Each day fills my life with joy. I am not chasing time. There is fullness in this moment, in the time that I have been blessed with.

“The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present.” --Alice Morse Earle

I don't fight time anymore. I embrace it. I cherish it. I don't feel the need to capture as much time as possible. Time is a gift. Time is a blessing when I am fully present. When I slow down I have more than enough time.

When I slow down life is different. Time almost stops. A conversation with a friend becomes life changing. Playtime with my kids becomes revolutionary. A sunset on fall leaves is awe inspiring. Joys big and small become priceless. Trials have perspective that make their burden lighter. My soul feels different. Full.

All is well. All is good.

It changes me. Transforms me.

Today I have a few more gray hairs. I have a few more wrinkles. When I look in the mirror they make me smile. They are beautiful. When I see my reflection I am reminded. I am reminded to slow down. To actually live life instead of chasing it. When I remember to live this way everything about life is different.

Life is a gift.

Falling into Thankfulness

Fall is in full swing right now. We had our first snow early this week. Leaves everywhere are turning different shades of red, orange, yellow and brown. The wind whips them up high in the and they spin around and around. The crisp cold air is refreshing to breathe. Where before drops of dew danced on blades of grass every morning they now are sprinkled with tiny crystals of frost. A warm cup of tea or a freshly poured coffee mug melts the coldness out of my fingers each day. It is beautiful, I am thankful for fall.

I sip and I think, usually skipping breakfast until my brain is awake again. Kids run around, sometimes my coffee gets cold because we are busy. There is no time to slowly enjoy my little moment of happiness. Too many spills to wipe up, lost mittens or hats to find, or little arguments to settle. Sigh. Mornings are not exactly easy here. Six little feet run up and down the stairs and around our little home and I only have two. It is exhausting. Sometimes it is overwhelming. The busyness swallows me up like rushing water in a river. Maybe that is what drowning feels like?

And yet I can still breathe. My lungs still work. Somehow we get through it. A couple of tears hidden maybe here or there, but we make it. Sometimes there is yelling or tantrums. Slightly scarred or rattled, but off we go. To school, to work, to the store. To wherever life demands we go. Hi-ho.

It is enough to make me laugh with insanity sometimes. They say laughter is the best medicine. When you drop a glass bowl and shards go everywhere. All because in your rush you were clumsy. You laugh when your kids leave sticky paint foot prints on the couch, the doormat, and the front door. All because you had this great idea to let them paint but didn't specify right outside the front door. When you lose your keys and you were supposed to leave 5 minutes ago. You laugh. A big belly laugh. All of these happened yesterday. I am not making this up.

 

 It makes it hard to be thankful when busyness fills our lives.

A wise woman (one with more experience and years under her belt than I have) once told me that I shouldn't assume after kids things get less busy. Oh how I was disappointed, I hoped one day I wouldn't be busy. She explained to me that with children gone there are jobs to be done, relatives to visit, friends to help, retirement to focus on, and places to see. Life never slowed down. Life is always busy.

She was right. No matter what I do life will happen. Things break. Messes happen. Things are lost. It will make you forget what is important. Ever since then I have made it a priority to not let being busy change me, to be my excuse. I'm not going to let "busyness" take over my life and keep me from seeing the good around me, from being the good around me.

Something I decided many years ago was to always find the positive. I'm a generally optimistic person by nature. I have found that if I can find one good thing every day I am happier. Finding one happy moment or thing in my day fills me with so much gratitude that it changes my perspective. It is like power food for the soul, it keeps fueling me to keep going. It changes my relationships, my attitude and fills me up.

Being thankful or having gratitude for all the good things in our life could quite possibly be a key to living a happier and purpose driven life. "Psychological research suggests that happiness is more related to being grateful for what we already have," writes William F. Doverspike, Ph.D of the Georgia Psychological Association.  There are even studies that show gratitude is good for your health. Over 26 studies and counting, show how being thankful can really impact our lives.

Finding these little blessings and being thankful for them draw us closer to God. When Jesus broke bread with his disciples at the Last Supper he gave thanks to God. In his final hours before death he chose to thank God.

Luke 22:19
¹⁹ And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

When we appreciate the good things around us we are choosing to see the good of God's creation. Bad things happen, messy life happens, suffering happens. However, there are also good things that fill this world with joy. Big or small, they matter. Sometimes being thankful even shows us how to love each other. When we know what matters, what we would be thankful for, we are better able to serve others around us.

Today as I was nearly 3/4 of the way through writing this post, the family across the street from us lost their dog. Their little girl plays with our boys all the time. She is adorable, wild and fun just like any little girl in first grade. She was really hurt today and couldn't stop crying. I watched my kids and the other neighbor kids try to make her feel better. They already know how to be a blessing, how to give her something to be thankful for, how to just be there for their friend. We played board games, watched youtube videos, and baked cookies together. We even shared stories of what we felt like when we lost a pet and picked the last flowers of the year to put on their dog's grave. She told me her mom who died of cancer is with her dog now. I think she felt a little better after that. I couldn't help but give her a hug.

Every day I make a list of what I'm thankful for. Daily. Sometimes more than once in a day even. I don't have have to write it down, I just mentally note what I have been blessed with. No matter what I am feeling, no matter how bad my day is, no matter who let me down or made me angry or sad. I'm thankful for this I tell myself.

Today, I'm thankful for cold coffee. Thankful for those six little feet. The ones that kicked my tummy before they were born and grew up to kick soccer balls around the yard and sometimes in the house. Thankful for those hands that make messes but always want my hugs. Thankful for the gift of motherhood. For friendship, for neighbors. Thankful that we have a home that we can fill up with memories. Thankful for my husband that works really hard to make not just our needs possible but our dreams possible too. Thankful for supportive friends, teachers and mentors in my life that have been a blessing to me and shaped me into the person, the story, that I am now. Thankful for a God that has blessed me with more than enough.

What are you thankful for today? Find a blessing in your life and be thankful for it.



Want to read more about gratitude?

Gratitude: A Key to Happiness by William F. Doverspike, Ph.D.

The Science of Gratitude: More Benefits Than Expected; 26 Studies and Counting by Amit Amin

Counting Your Blessings: How Gratitude Improves Your Health by Bruce Campbell

The Neuroscience of Why Gratitude Makes Us Healthier by Ocean Robbins