Disciples and Labels

One of my favorite things to study is the relationships that Jesus had in the bible. In particular I enjoy reading about the first 12 disciples. After Jesus was tempted in the wilderness by the devil he departed to Galilee and began his ministry of preaching to others. This is where he met the disciples and asked them to follow him.

The first disciples Jesus choose are important because none of them were perfect. Consistently throughout the Gospels we read how Jesus taught the disciples who God really was and what His word really means. Jesus choose a group of men with rough edges at best, sketchy backgrounds if we are talking truthfully, and at the worst would abandon Jesus in his greatest hour of need.

There was Matthew the greedy and corrupt tax collector and Thomas the doubter who didn't believe that Jesus was risen. There was Judas who betrayed Jesus and plotted to turn Jesus over to the officials. There was also Peter who denied Jesus in the hours leading up to his death and all throughout the Gospel had a rocky faith. He was either all in or all out. The rest of the disciples were not any more qualified. Jesus chose Simon who was a rebel fighting against corrupt government. He also chose Bartholomew who questioned whether Jesus was the real deal because he came from Nazareth, and what good would come from a poor town like that. The rest we know very little about, only that some were a tough group of fishermen.

So what do a bunch of fishermen, a rebel, tax collector, a doubter, a betrayer, and a denier and a brown-noser have in common?

They were not perfect and they all needed Jesus. These men all had labels. Some of them had very imperfect backgrounds that were questionable at best. But Jesus saw in them something good. He saw in them value. They were the diamonds in the rough (literally) that would become the rock of the early church. It is through Jesus' relationships with the disciples and early followers that we understand what Jesus was really teaching. Jesus was teaching us the power of love.

If Jesus saw value in a group of men as imperfect at the disciples, you can bet he sees good in us too. Jesus was preaching that through Him, we are made whole.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16 

God loved us so much that he sent his son into this world to save us. This is about God's love for us. God loves us more than enough.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

All of our brokenness, all of our labels, all of the sins of the past (and our future)are all wiped clean with God. Sometimes society sticks us with a label or tells us we need to be something else. Sometimes we do it to ourselves. We tell ourselves that we will never be good enough, strong enough, believe enough, etc. But it doesn't matter what your weakness is or how many flaws you have. God loves you no matter what. Labels don't stick with Jesus. Jesus loved the disciples and he loves us too.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2: 8-9

What a gift grace is! Unconditional love leads to grace. No hoops to jump through, no strings attached, never ending and infinite love. Nothing you can do can make God love you any more, and nothing you can do will make God love you any less. We don't need to be perfect because His love is always enough.

We all carry a label with us. We all think something makes us not good enough. But we are good enough and we are deserving of God's love. We are imperfectly perfect to God. God brought Jesus into this world so that we might know love and love each other. Real love. So that we might be brought out of the darkness too light and that we could become a light to each other.

We don't have to do anything but such a gift like that? It inspires us to love each other. It is so powerful that how can you NOT share it. When something is so good, every part of you wants to share that with others.

This pictures in this post are from our youth group last night. I had the kids look up scriptures about Matthew, Thomas, Peter, and Judas. I had them decide what label each of these disciples had. Before they did this I gave them 60 seconds to write down as many labels as they could think of that defined themselves. While they were working I wrote all of these down. We only had 8 teens and they came up with nearly 50 labels. That is a LOT of labels for any group of young adults to have.

My point was to show them that Jesus doesn't care about these labels. God's love is greater than any label they have. We all need to ditch our labels!

We are the next generation of disciples. I think we really need to lean on the stories of the early disciples and look at their relationships with Jesus. These disciples were not perfect, they got things wrong. But these mistakes and errors did not define their journey. The journey was learning to love God, love ourselves and love others.

It is also okay for us to get things wrong too. It is going to happen. We are no more perfect than the disciples in the early church. We are still writing our own stories and walking our own journeys with Christ. We all will betray or deny Christ at some point in our lives. The important thing is that we focus on love. God teaches us that love wipes out labels. Love should be the center of our relationships. Love is the solid foundation that we need.

Flood Zones

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by something that I can't even process what I am feeling. Often this happens to me when something surprises me and leaves me blind-sighted. Good and bad things both do this to me.

Good things often fill me with a surge of emotions. Joy bursts forcefully out from every part of me light a ray of light. My excited self giggles and I laugh like a child. I might yell out in my joy. I might leap into the air or dance without control. It is goodness that fills up and overflows. Emotions flow. Joy shines. Happiness is all I know.

Life is not all good though. It is the bad things that leave me stunned and out of breath. Life continues around you even though you are frozen in place. You forget to breath. Time feels like it has stopped and your feel trapped. You feel numb. You know what is happening but you can't even put into words how you feel. You are not sure if you feel, let alone how you feel about it. Then the emotions of despair and pain set in. There is no noise. Only deep anguish and loneliness. You feel like you are alone in deep waters.

Bad things happen to everyone. The hardest things to cope with are those that we cannot control. Especially when it is the suffering of other people we love. Our hearts ache. We might even build walls to protect ourselves. We want to isolate the pain so we don't have to feel all of it. Like a flood wall build around a flood zone, we block out pain. We raise barricades to keep uncomfortable feelings out.

The thing is, flood walls block everything. They are great for protecting areas in flood zones. Some walls are necessary to keep us safe. However, not being able to feel, that is never good.

The thing about flood walls is when we build those high walls to block the water we also block the sun. The sun that brings warmth and light into our lives. The sun is powerful. The sun has the power to dry up the heavy rains that have become floods full of our sorrows.

Our tears also serve a purpose. Without water this earth would dry up and cease to know the beauty of those sunny days and the happy moments. Without suffering, we cannot value joy. Our heart cannot feel unless we feel it all.

This may feel wrong, that pain is part of this world. However, we don't have to ride out the storms alone. We have a really good life guard. One that will guide us to dry land. One that walks on water. One that can calm the raging storm in the sea.

His name is Jesus.  Life with Jesus means we don't need flood walls around our hearts. In the deepest of storms, in the deepest of water He finds us. He is our savior.

Matthew 14:22-33 NIV

Jesus Walks on the Water

²² Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. ²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, ²⁴ and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
²⁹ “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”


The thing I love about this story is Peter. Peter's faith in Jesus was a little rocky. Peter had doubts. Real doubts that all of us share. There is so much in life and even in the bible that we don't always understand. I won't pretend I understand it all. But I do know I find comfort in Jesus saving Peter. Jesus save us despite any of our flaws. We don't have to earn His love or be perfect. Jesus already is willing to be our life guard.

That to me makes any flood something I can overcome. If I have a life guard who always saves, I don't need to build up flood walls. I can live fully, flood and sun and everything in between. No matter the weather, I can make it. Flood zones don't have to control what I feel.

Whatever I am feeling, whatever I must face, I can do it with Christ.

Broken

This might look like a familiar scene. Especially if you live in the country and your neighbor has chickens. The kids played outside today and apparently talked our nice neighbor into letting them fetch some eggs from their chicken coop. For their efforts they were rewarded with an egg. An egg that they did not tell me about. Actually, after parading through the house they suddenly left and it got really quiet. I walked through my living room and found this on the floor. A single egg broke in half, it's contents on my wooden floors.

Well that explains it I thought to myself. No one wanted to explain to me why an egg was cracked on my floor. No one wanted to tell me how this unfortunate event took place. I never even heard the egg crack. I was in the same room but couldn't hear it over the sounds of kids in the house. It seemed like regular, every day noises.

We are all fragile just like the egg. We like to pretend we are tough. We are not as strong as we tell ourselves though. Apply enough pressure and our shells are bound to break, making our lives spill out of control. Who hasn't felt like they are a real-life humpty dumpty story. You feel beat up, like you can't possibly fall any farther, like things will never bounce back.

Sometimes, other people are breaking right in front of us and we don't even see it. Life distracts us from seeing. Sometimes people don't want us to see. They are broken only on the outside and no one can see the hurt and pain inside.

God sees though. God knows our brokenness. Even when there are no cracks, no messes to be seen, God always sees.

Maybe that is part of why God sent Jesus here to be with us. He loved us so much he brought his Son into this world, to break and to bleed and die like we do. Only Jesus didn't stay broken. Jesus died, rose from the dead, and will rise again. In His death, Christ defeated death. The bible tells us Jesus did this out of love for us. It also tells us Jesus is a healer. The list of people Jesus healed is huge. We are not just talking physical healing, but spiritual and emotional healing too. Everyone who believed in Jesus was made whole again.

Jesus can heal our brokenness too. With Christ the struggles of this world are transformed. Jesus can heal all of the suffering and pain of this life and take it away from us. His message teaches us that love does win. God's love wins. Jesus calls on us to be a source of healing and peace to people hurting in this world. When we love we send a message that all of the limits of this world can be overcome.

The broken egg on the floor is not the end of our story. God can heal us from the inside out even when we feel completely broken. He can give us peace. He will work through others to reach us. His love has no limits. His love is so powerful that he will never give up. When we surrender and let Him work in our lives he will bring us peace. It won't be overnight always, but he will heal us and end all of the suffering in this life. His will is to love us, and love us He will.

How my son taught me to be selfless

Most parents raise their kids hoping for them to be nice. They want their kids to be a good friend and to be kind to others. We want other things for our children too. Things like a focus on academics, or a drive to succeed in their job, or healthy relationships. We want them to live well-rounded lifestyles. But if we could pick one simple thing we would say we just want nice, happy adults.

As a parent myself, I tend to worry about my kids. I over-analyze their actions. Every time they argue, or refuse to share, or are rude I convince myself that I am messing it all up. Between my three kids, someone is always making me wonder if we are getting it right. Parenting is such a challenge, so up and down. My fear is that we will get it wrong and end up with a big bill in therapy someday. I work myself up because I am so focused on raising nice kids. Nice kids that I want to be nice adults someday.

Today, something changed my perspective.

My boys' school is collecting money for Pennies for Patients. It is for children with cancer. I kind of blew it off because well we had other things we were working on this month and I assumed that an 8 year old and a 5 year old were just not going to be interested in giving their spare change to any cause. I forgot all about their little collection boxes. Until today.

While we were preparing to leave today my five year old son Oliver was running through the house with his bag half open. As he shuffled through the kitchen I heard coins clunking around in his backpack and spilling out onto our floor. I stopped him to make him empty his bag and clean up the coins, thinking he was bringing money to school for fun. When I started to open his bag and told him not to bring money to school he stopped me. "Mom! WAIT!" He told me with his hand up. He scooped up the coins and pulled out his little collection box and put them all back in.

Then it hit me. Wow. He was bringing money to school to give, not for fun. I was flabbergasted. We hadn't even talked about the penny drive together.

I counted out his coins with him, curious what he decided to donate. He had a total of $1.03 in change. Such a tiny little offering. I asked him if he really wanted to give his money and if it was important to him. He nodded his head yes enthusiastically. He insisted on it. Kind of a proud moment for me. I told him that this was really special and that I would match his gift. So we pulled out my wallet and counted out more coins together until we had a total of two dollars and six cents. He was just giddy at this point and his little sister thought this was of course very exciting so she was jumping up and down too.

 This whole experience reminded me of the Widow's Offering in Mark 12:41-44.

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” 

I hugged him and I told him about the widow giving all that she could and how it was such a great gift. I told him his gift was like the widow's gift. It was small but it was great too.

My perspective changed today because of his willingness to empty his tiny little piggy bank. He wasn't just being nice. He was giving all that he could. He was being selfless. He was putting someone else before his own wants and needs.

Really, my son taught me a lesson about being selfless. His giving casts a big light on my own unwillingness to give. To my own reluctance to give joyfully. My son taught me that I need to look at my own self and do some thinking of my own. I need to be better about giving more of myself in several areas of my life. My adult mind struggles with this concept.Giving hurts sometimes. For him though it was easy. I want for my heart to be like his. I want to give with joy.

I don't just want "nice" kids anymore. I want us to be more selfless. I want kids that give from their heart in all that they do. I want givers. Givers that give something up and make sacrifices because it means helping someone in their moment of need. I want givers that use whatever they have available--time, money, talents-- to bless others. Because that is the right thing to do. Not just to be nice and polite. But to give people a little more than that. To give people yourself too.

Listening Ears

On Wednesday nights I help in the preschool class at our church. Today the children were learning about Psalm 23 and we read a book called The Lord is my Shepard. It is a staple story in the Bible, especially for children. These 3-5 year old kids all understood how to care for a sheep. You feed it, give it water, and look after it. Very basic needs.

We then discussed how God provides for us. God protects and leads us like a good shepherd. A good shepherd tends to his flock asking them to follow him.

Now I found this lesson just a bit ironic as a parent volunteer. While we were preparing for our craft I asked several times for the kids to put on their "listening ears" for their teacher. For the record, my own child was definitely included in this group. I had to smile and laugh because we were teaching a lesson about following our shepherd and listening. And hey we needed practice at it!

This really reminded me of how I also don't listen very well. I tend to do most of the talking in my relationship with Jesus. I forget to listen and I miss out sometimes on where Jesus is calling me. Where God is calling me. It is very hard at times to get rid of all the noise blocking out what God needs and wants us to do.

This thought really reminded me of where Jesus tells us to follow him and listen to his teachings. In John 10 verses 2-4 we see Jesus telling us to follow his voice.

The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. 

The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice.

He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 

When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them,

and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

 Jesus tells us here that not only does God know and see us each individually for what special person we are, but also that he will lead us. We all have a special and unique calling by God and when we follow Jesus we are led to God. Jesus is our shepherd because he shows us the way to live life.

It is hard to listen. Especially when we aren't sure we have all the answers and when we have doubts. These cloud our decision making process and challenge us. They make it harder to discern where God is calling us.

However, we can put on our listening ears. And then we can hear God's call for us.

Prayer and a relationship with Jesus help us find the answers we are seeking. These answers are found with God. We are not led astray when we follow Christ! Listening is a hard thing to practice for sure, but this scripture offers us hope that we can and will get it right. It just takes a little practice.

Family Matter. People Matter: When the Holidays Become Something More

Three years ago my holidays looked different. A lot different.

For several years I worked in retail at our local mall. I worked to help pay my way through college while raising our young family. It wasn't particularly hard work or labor. I actually really loved my job most of the time. I worked primarily in children's clothing stores. As a parent I found it to be fun and rewarding to help other families shop for their kid. Sure there was the occasional bad day, but mostly it was a good job. That is, it was a good job for most of the year.

My job always became stressful and overwhelming around the holidays. It wasn't just that my hours doubled. It wasn't that I couldn't ever get weekends off because my employer didn't let anyone request time off. It wasn't the lack of parking spaces. It wasn't the crowded mall. It wasn't that our customers were suddenly grouchy, agitated and unfriendly. It wasn't the stress and the strain of the holidays. It wasn't all the frenzied preparation and never enough time to get it all done. It was how people didn't matter.

I remember one December morning with vividness. It was December 19th, 2009. My son's 1st birthday. It was also the day of my college graduation. I would get to finally walk with my class with my family watching. However, I had to work that day.  I had been assured I would have special permission to have the day off but no I had to work. Two things to celebrate, and I was working. What should have been a joyful day for our family turned into extra stress as I rushed from graduation ceremony to birthday party to my job. It was a hard. All this family to celebrate with us and I had to leave. I headed to work and as soon as I pulled out of the driveway I was in tears. I went to work, having to smile my way through it even when customers were rude (because of course it was my fault that we didn't have what they needed for their perfect Christmas gift). All I wanted to do was tuck my sweet boy in bed that night. To rock him to sleep to sweet dreams and kiss his forehead and stroke his soft cheek. To spend time with those people that mattered the most and had traveled just to be with me. To share stories, a moment with them. My parents, my siblings, my husband's family. Close family friends. The ones that mattered.

Time passed. I swore never again it would happen. My boss assured me it was a mistake, it wouldn't happen again.

The following year it was November. My husband's grandma was dying and we knew her time was close. As she was the last living grandparent, his family wanted to gather with her one last time. We wanted to be together for one last moment. Thanksgiving weekend was that time. Being a part time manager in retail I found myself unable to leave because of Black Friday. I fought with my company to be there with our family. One of the compromises they offered to me was that I could work in a store where I was going out of state instead. I ended up leaving the company over it. It was the single biggest factor in my leaving my job. The only regret I have is that I didn't leave sooner.

Today, my holidays look different. I have made a choice to spend my holidays with family. We gather every Turkey Day to be together. My husband's family are all Detroit Lions fans. That pretty much guarantees we will be watching football together. I come from a family of Green Bay Packers fans. This year we play each other on Thanksgiving Day. Lord have mercy on us all! In all seriousness though this is what we gather around and do. We play cards and board games. We get caught up in good conversation. We catch up with relatives over good food and drinks. We love on the kids and babies. We laugh at grandpa's goofy jokes and devour grandma's delicious pie. Oh how I love my grandma's banana cream pie and raspberry pie. Her cheesecake isn't too bad either.

Christmas is when we vacation with family. We retreat to the family condo in Colorado. It is our getaway. A place we escape to. We have snowball fights. We go sledding. We go skiing. We spend hours chatting at the hot tub with people from all over the globe. We have moonlit walks through the mountains and we admire how the lights sparkle and dance on the reflection of ice and snow. The smell of pine needles. The smell of fresh baked cookies. The mess of frosting and sprinkles everywhere. We attend the candlelit Christmas service up at the chapel. We sing Silent Night outside the church doors with strangers we have never met before. We eat pizza for dinner. We share laughs and drink hot spiced wine. More laughter. Someone decides it is great idea to sing Christmas songs. We laugh some more. The ice sculptures delight and the ice skaters dance round and round. The kids break out the nerf guns and the living room is transformed into a war zone of sofa cushions as cover and plush pillows as our shield. We build forts. We take long naps after a late big breakfast.

These are the memories I cherish. It is these experiences with my loved ones that bring me joy. This is what is important! The time that I share with people I love.

I don't expect everyone to have a holiday that looks like mine. I know everyone has their own traditions. But there is one thing I am thankful that working in retail taught me. I cannot share it enough. Family matter. People matter. When our lives get so bent and stretched thin that what matters is no longer in focus, people suffer. Our relationships suffer when we choose to not put people first.

Last year it hit me hard seeing these banners placed up high in the sanctuary of our church. The holidays are a time to share love, peace, and hope with others. These are the things that show people that they matter. This is what all relationships need. What all people need.

Sometimes our lives get so tangled up in the busyness of the holidays that we forget this. We forget what is important. Time blurs and it becomes a holidaze. It is really easy in this world. I saw it before working in retail. People chasing after things. Thanksgiving overshadowed by Christmas. Maybe it is the buy buy buy attitude surrounding Christmas. Maybe it is the pressure to prepare everything perfectly. Maybe it is the chase to give the perfect gift. Maybe it is the rush to get the best deal at midnight on Black Friday. Maybe we think we can buy our happiness with a credit card. Maybe going into debt for Christmas presents makes us feel like we can have it all.

Buying things. Buying items. Having stuff. A full shopping cart at Target or Wal-mart or anywhere else. Those things will never leave us fulfilled. Paychecks even will not make us happy.

It makes me wonder. Are we really buying gifts? Or are we buying into the idea that these gifts are what matter?

Are we consumers are we the ones being consumed?

These are questions that changed me.

Something changed in me when I started making an effort to put people first. I stopped looking at Christmas as something to give and receive. It changed how we celebrate Thanksgiving. It changed how we celebrate Christmas. It changed how we live. There are seven things that I do different.

1. I don't shop on Thanksgiving or on Black Friday. My conscience won't let me do it. I can't do it. Not knowing that there are other people out there who want to be with family. No matter what the deal is it is not worth the time away from family. I don't want to be a part of that.
2. When I do shop during the holidays I make a special effort to be extra kind. I smile. I say please and thank you. I wish them well, I make conversation. I tip extra. I forgive mistakes. I go out of my way to be polite not just to staff but even other shoppers. I always show this kind of respect but during the holidays when things get busy I feel it is even more important to remember that people matter.
3. I try to be very conscientious about my gift giving, especially with my kids. I don't want for them to grow up thinking that Christmas is about presents. It is about presence. My kids do receive gifts from us but we plan out their gifts so it is simple and it doesn't take away from the real meaning of Christmas. We want for them understand that Christmas is about God's love and Christ in our lives. We want for them to cherish time with family. Not just during the holidays. All year long.
4. We give to charities locally. Our favorite thing is to support a child through an Angel Tree. I actually get more excited shopping for a child in our community than my own kids! This year I also helped give through Operation Christmas Child and my children will be giving used toys to Families Helping Families. We give at offerings in our church to help with missions around the world that we believe in.
5. We countdown the days to Christmas with several family activities. We donate hats and gloves. We go caroling. We set up our nativity. We read Christmas stories together. We make hot cocoa and have a Christmas movie party. We make ornaments and homemade gifts. We want to experience things with our kids.
6. We try to shop locally and support people in our hometown whenever possible. I started my Christmas shopping this year by shopping at a craft fair. I bought the cutest handmade gifts from people that attend my church and live in my community. When the boys had a book fair at school I picked some books they really wanted. It is the little things like these that I feel are important.

The 7th and single biggest change is just spending time together. Life has taught me to value, to celebrate, this time with others. I choose to spend my holidays in this way because it shows people that they matter. This is how I share love, hope, and peace with others. This is the message we all need. We all deserve these blessings. Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Agnostic or Athiest. Whatever you are. We all need to to share love, peace, and hope a little bit more.

We have been so blessed these last years. I can't explain why these changes are so rewarding. When you show people that they matter, you realize it all matters. Every day. Every kind act. Every person is important. The holidays are not about gifts. They are about something more.

"What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” -Dr. Seuss

Enough with the Excuses

 Today I want to talk about something I think we have all got to stop. Excuses.

Enough with the excuses I say.

I do it all time. I'm sorry, I was late because <insert a random stunt child 1 2 or 3 pulled>. I'm sorry, I forgot because I got distracted by a phone call. I'm sorry, I got stuck in traffic.

I read a funny blog post about a mom explaining why she is running late. I laughed because it is so true. It is something I am all too familiar with.

If I wrote down every single excuse for why we're late or where something went wrong I would have a very lengthy book. Every day.

I think we do enough explaining. It is kind of exhausting. I'm tired of having to explain myself everywhere I go. It is such a burden. It is like carrying around heavy rocks wherever I go. I don't want people to think the wrong things or get the wrong impression of us as a family. You know, because that thing called life sometimes gets in the way of our lives.

I say enough. Can we stop expecting excuses from each other? Can we stop feeling like we have to explain ourselves? Can I?

I have been very blessed in my life with awesome friends and family. The ones that really get me, they don't expect me to explain myself every time I mess up. If I show up late, they are just excited to see me. If I lose a birthday invitation, they don't think twice about my habit of being unorganized. If my child acts up, they don't make me recite my parenting strategies to explain why my child isn't perfect. These people don't judge me when I make mistakes. If I mess up, they laugh with me.

When I am with people like this, I feel safe. They don't expect me to explain myself. They don't expect me to have it all together. They know I am not perfect. They know I am human and I am figuring out this life thing one lesson at a time. Bad habits and all they love me. How uplifting it is to have people like this in our lives! It is a real treasure to have friends like this in my life. I just breathe a little easier in their presence.

Isn't that a lot like grace? Before I even ask for it. Before I try to explain myself. They offer me grace.

God offers me that kind of grace. Here I am. Here I stand not perfect. I mess up. More than I should. Yet I am still forgiven. No hoops to jump through. I don't have to earn it. It is just there. For me. For you. For everyone. Freely given in love. Unconditional.

God knows my trials. He knows my story, my excuses. Jesus knew what he was dying for on the cross. People really are not all that different from 2000 years ago. Sure we have our smart phones, cars, and fancy running water now. Despite these changes, what I struggle with today is not all that different from people in the bible.

John 8:7 NIV “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

In the temple when the woman adulterer was brought forward to Jesus he taught us two things. The first was it is not our place to judge another person's sins because we all are sinners. The second was that he lived and died for us to save us. He could have condemned this woman right there in front of all. Instead he offered her grace.

I have joked with friends on more than one occasion that in a different time or place I would be stoned to death. There is just no way I can be quiet & submissive. Ever. I would cause trouble. I break rules. Not even on purpose most of the time. Crazy little rebel that I am. A Christian rebel even. I will wear that label.

Being a Christian--believing in real grace--drops all of those stones. Truly it does. If I choose to believe in a Jesus that offers grace, I need to offer that grace to those around me as well. To everyone.

I literally mean everyone. It is going to be like Oprah giving away cars. And you get grace, and you get grace, and you get grace! We all get grace!!!

So I am telling you right now. If you are tired of having to explain yourself. If you need a safe place. I want to be that safe place. No more stones. No more excuses. No more explanations. No expectations.

Just friendship. Just love. Just understanding. Just grace.

I'm not perfect. My grace will look kind of messy compared to what God has to offer. I'm probably going to mess up. I mean, of course I will. But I'm going to try. Try to offer grace.

No excuses. I promise. I'm leaving the stones behind.

Falling into Thankfulness

Fall is in full swing right now. We had our first snow early this week. Leaves everywhere are turning different shades of red, orange, yellow and brown. The wind whips them up high in the and they spin around and around. The crisp cold air is refreshing to breathe. Where before drops of dew danced on blades of grass every morning they now are sprinkled with tiny crystals of frost. A warm cup of tea or a freshly poured coffee mug melts the coldness out of my fingers each day. It is beautiful, I am thankful for fall.

I sip and I think, usually skipping breakfast until my brain is awake again. Kids run around, sometimes my coffee gets cold because we are busy. There is no time to slowly enjoy my little moment of happiness. Too many spills to wipe up, lost mittens or hats to find, or little arguments to settle. Sigh. Mornings are not exactly easy here. Six little feet run up and down the stairs and around our little home and I only have two. It is exhausting. Sometimes it is overwhelming. The busyness swallows me up like rushing water in a river. Maybe that is what drowning feels like?

And yet I can still breathe. My lungs still work. Somehow we get through it. A couple of tears hidden maybe here or there, but we make it. Sometimes there is yelling or tantrums. Slightly scarred or rattled, but off we go. To school, to work, to the store. To wherever life demands we go. Hi-ho.

It is enough to make me laugh with insanity sometimes. They say laughter is the best medicine. When you drop a glass bowl and shards go everywhere. All because in your rush you were clumsy. You laugh when your kids leave sticky paint foot prints on the couch, the doormat, and the front door. All because you had this great idea to let them paint but didn't specify right outside the front door. When you lose your keys and you were supposed to leave 5 minutes ago. You laugh. A big belly laugh. All of these happened yesterday. I am not making this up.

 

 It makes it hard to be thankful when busyness fills our lives.

A wise woman (one with more experience and years under her belt than I have) once told me that I shouldn't assume after kids things get less busy. Oh how I was disappointed, I hoped one day I wouldn't be busy. She explained to me that with children gone there are jobs to be done, relatives to visit, friends to help, retirement to focus on, and places to see. Life never slowed down. Life is always busy.

She was right. No matter what I do life will happen. Things break. Messes happen. Things are lost. It will make you forget what is important. Ever since then I have made it a priority to not let being busy change me, to be my excuse. I'm not going to let "busyness" take over my life and keep me from seeing the good around me, from being the good around me.

Something I decided many years ago was to always find the positive. I'm a generally optimistic person by nature. I have found that if I can find one good thing every day I am happier. Finding one happy moment or thing in my day fills me with so much gratitude that it changes my perspective. It is like power food for the soul, it keeps fueling me to keep going. It changes my relationships, my attitude and fills me up.

Being thankful or having gratitude for all the good things in our life could quite possibly be a key to living a happier and purpose driven life. "Psychological research suggests that happiness is more related to being grateful for what we already have," writes William F. Doverspike, Ph.D of the Georgia Psychological Association.  There are even studies that show gratitude is good for your health. Over 26 studies and counting, show how being thankful can really impact our lives.

Finding these little blessings and being thankful for them draw us closer to God. When Jesus broke bread with his disciples at the Last Supper he gave thanks to God. In his final hours before death he chose to thank God.

Luke 22:19
¹⁹ And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

When we appreciate the good things around us we are choosing to see the good of God's creation. Bad things happen, messy life happens, suffering happens. However, there are also good things that fill this world with joy. Big or small, they matter. Sometimes being thankful even shows us how to love each other. When we know what matters, what we would be thankful for, we are better able to serve others around us.

Today as I was nearly 3/4 of the way through writing this post, the family across the street from us lost their dog. Their little girl plays with our boys all the time. She is adorable, wild and fun just like any little girl in first grade. She was really hurt today and couldn't stop crying. I watched my kids and the other neighbor kids try to make her feel better. They already know how to be a blessing, how to give her something to be thankful for, how to just be there for their friend. We played board games, watched youtube videos, and baked cookies together. We even shared stories of what we felt like when we lost a pet and picked the last flowers of the year to put on their dog's grave. She told me her mom who died of cancer is with her dog now. I think she felt a little better after that. I couldn't help but give her a hug.

Every day I make a list of what I'm thankful for. Daily. Sometimes more than once in a day even. I don't have have to write it down, I just mentally note what I have been blessed with. No matter what I am feeling, no matter how bad my day is, no matter who let me down or made me angry or sad. I'm thankful for this I tell myself.

Today, I'm thankful for cold coffee. Thankful for those six little feet. The ones that kicked my tummy before they were born and grew up to kick soccer balls around the yard and sometimes in the house. Thankful for those hands that make messes but always want my hugs. Thankful for the gift of motherhood. For friendship, for neighbors. Thankful that we have a home that we can fill up with memories. Thankful for my husband that works really hard to make not just our needs possible but our dreams possible too. Thankful for supportive friends, teachers and mentors in my life that have been a blessing to me and shaped me into the person, the story, that I am now. Thankful for a God that has blessed me with more than enough.

What are you thankful for today? Find a blessing in your life and be thankful for it.



Want to read more about gratitude?

Gratitude: A Key to Happiness by William F. Doverspike, Ph.D.

The Science of Gratitude: More Benefits Than Expected; 26 Studies and Counting by Amit Amin

Counting Your Blessings: How Gratitude Improves Your Health by Bruce Campbell

The Neuroscience of Why Gratitude Makes Us Healthier by Ocean Robbins

Trust

Every once in a while life throws you something that you were not expecting.

It could be something wonderful. Finding out you are expecting after years of trying. Watching your child graduate from college or get married. A new neighbor that becomes your best friend. All feels well with the world when such unexpected joy fills our lives.

However, sometimes our lives are full of other (not so happy) occasions. These are the painful moments that shock us deep into our bone. The loss of a child or a loved one unexpectedly. Losing your job in a layoff and wondering how you will care for your family. Watching your home be destroyed by a flood or fire. It hurts. You don't get it. It makes you angry.

Life is full of twists and turns. Good and bad --both all part of a journey. You never really know where you will end up. Sometimes it starts to feel like a ride you would rather not be on. Hurt and pain start to make us feel like the ride is broken. If we are all honest we have probably thought to ourselves, hey who is in charge here?

It becomes really hard to trust that God has a plan. I admit sometimes I don't trust it. I praise him on Sunday but by Monday I am already doubting. I'm not the first one either. Countless people before me have struggled to grasp and to understand. Faithful yet flawed, each with their own story. The Bible is full of people just like me. It goes all the way back to Adam and Eve. You know how it goes. God created the world. It was GOOD. But Adam & Eve still wanted more and they ate the apple. At it's core, the reason was they didn't trust God. They wanted more.

Humanity is kind of like that. I am like that. Yes you heard me. I am a Christian that admits I sometimes doubt God. I admit I would do some things different. I have myself have been hurt and I also have watched countless relatives, friends, and strangers struggle through terrible hardships. I have seen marriages break apart in divorce and families shattered to pieces. I have seen women bury their children in tiny little graves. I have watched friends battle illness and barely hang onto the lives they once had. I have watched countries go to war (sometimes with themselves) over greed or senseless pride.

Can you blame me? For wanting to end THAT.

I am reminded of the song Imagine by John Lennon. A world in bliss. People without religion or war induced suffering and where all people live together in harmony because they are the same. It seems a dream, so simple and yet so impossibly perfect.

I once had someone ask me WHY is there all of this suffering? Why divorce? Why pain? Why all the bad stuff. Talk about a loaded question. We sat atop a mountain, several of us after a sunset and wondered why our world is full of suffering.

You know what I said? I said sometimes life just SUCKS. That was my answer. Some people will tell you it is God's will, that this was supposed to happen. Some people will even say everything happens for a reason. Maybe they are right but you know what I am not about to go looking for that reason. It is out of my ability to understand.

Here is what I do know. God loved us and he thinks we are good. He loved us so much that he manifested that love in Jesus who lived and walked among us and died on the cross. Even after we rejected this love, we were still forgiven.

Stop and think about that. Jesus, God's son, died for us even though we doubted it all. We didn't trust. We didn't understand. Or maybe we even think we understand it so well we should write the book of rules too. Jesus was able to look past all of that. He looked past our flaws. He saw something good in us obviously or he wouldn't have died for us. He saw our souls as invaluable. Worth saving.

In the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp she writes about how our soul is like a bucket with little holes that leak and yearn to be filled. She writes,
"That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave...But how? How do we choose to allow the holes to become seeing-through-to-God places? To more-God places?"

There are terrible unexplainable things in this world. There is a lot of hurt. I will never understand it. The more I try to have all the answers the less I actually understand. I am not in control. I don't get to write my own story. That is a hard thing to accept.

I think Jesus and God know that about us. We each have our own struggle to face. Each a journey that is different and unique. A battle in our heart and soul that happens every day. God doesn't want for us to hurt and to suffer. God created the world to be good and for us to be in communion together with one another--with Him.

It is for this reason that Jesus calls on us to be good neighbors to each other. To love one another. The Golden rule to love thy neighbor as one would love thyself.

Matthew 7:12 (NIV) Says,
¹² So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

I'm not a scholar. I'm won't even say I get it all "right." I can't quote scripture perfectly and I am not a theology expert. But I do know that we are meant to lift one another up and love each other. Without love this world just feels so empty, and our souls like buckets start to empty and dry up.

Jesus loved us so much he died for us. It is God's love affair with our soul. A real love story. Despite not trusting, God still loves us. God is so forgiving and his love is so unconditional and pure that he constantly seeks to fill up our souls with grace. He offers this grace to all of us.

I'm not the first person to struggle to understand, to fully accept God and his plan. Me, I admit I would do things different. I think not enough Christians admit this. I'm not God though. I'm just me. Like most people my story is not yet finished.

I am like a book unwritten. Each day is a blank page and a new chapter awaits me. Dwelling on what happened in my past does not change anything and worrying about how my story ends doesn't help me focus on what is happening right now. The story of my life is beautiful, yet raw and full of of ink stains and imperfections. I will never understand or comprehend what my life is until it is finished.

That is my flaw--our flaw as humans-- the heart of why trusting God is not easy. To be well with God and fill our soul with his grace despite all the bad. It is not an easy thing.

Today I pray not to understand. I pray for trust. I pray to be content and to listen even in bad times. I seek to praise you God through all the good and the bad. There is suffering in this world but I know that you my God love all people. I pray to overcome suffering and to try and see things with wisdom and grace that only You can offer me. I pray I can love my neighbors. I pray that I will seek not to hurt others around me but instead offer love. God, your love affair is for all people no matter what their journey has been. Your love is for all of us--including me.

Breaking the Elusive Mystery of Grace

In February I had the unique experience of witnessing my oldest son Thomas get ashes for the first time on Ash Wednesday. We walked up together side-by-side holding hands. He watched me receive my ashes with his big brown eyes full of wonder. Then I turned to him and watched him receive his ashes from our pastor. I listened as the pastor gently said, "Jesus loves you," and watched my son's face light up with joy as his facial expression changed from curiosity to excitement. We returned to our seats where he started asking me all kinds of questions. I was happy to answer his questions and it spun off into a great discussion about God's love and grace. During Lent I often find myself thinking about the grace that God has given us so it was great to share some of my thoughts with my son. The most rewarding thing from our discussion was that it reinvigorated my prayer and lead to some deep thought and insights that I hadn't thought of before.

For me, grace has meant several different things in my life. Each new challenge and joy has changed what grace looks like to me. In some ways you could say that grace has been an elusive mystery for most of life. As a child grace was like opening a big birthday present. The suspense and anticipation of ripping open the wrapping paper and discovering a wonderful treasure inside filled my heart with joy. I was told that Jesus loved all the little children and that someday I would meet him in heaven. My imagination made heaven into this glorious beautiful place and to this very day I still believe in a heaven that is like this. I loved listening to Genesis verses because it was full of imagery and the wonderful creations filled me with awe. Grace was a gift, waiting to be unwrapped.

In my preteen and teenage years I found grace to be something entirely different. I found myself believing in a more selective grace. Grace to me was Santa's naughty and nice list. Had I been a good girl? Did I do all the right things? I knew I better behave because God was watching me. I better not fall out of line or he might zap me with Zeus-like lightning bolts or worse! He might decide to put me in the worst possible penalty box of all--HELL. For many young people, I think this is what grace looks like. There is a perception that you have to earn grace.

Then as I became an adult grace was different suddenly. Grace felt so far out of reach. For the first time in my life I had accepted the label of being a sinner. I knew I had messed up and that I would probably do it again. I began to wonder why Jesus would die for a sinner like me. What did God see in me or any part of humanity anyways? All around me I saw pain and suffering and sinners just like me struggling to find a greater purpose in life.

It took having children for me to understand and believe in grace again. As the mother of three kids I am constantly challenged. Raising children is most definitely the most rewarding and challenging thing I have ever done. You love them unconditionally and would give them everything in the world if you could. You want the best for them and work very hard to give them everything they need. In addition to basic needs children need guidance, support, and love to grow. A parent is the best person to offer these things to a child.

However, sometimes a child rejects these things. As my children get older I am experiencing this more and more frequently. When they are young it is temper tantrums and disobedience. As they get older there are still meltdowns and disobedience but you find yourself incredibly disappointed when they do wrong. Sometimes the disappointment can be very painful and exhausting. Despite all of this you still love them and continue to do what is best for them. It is frustrating but you still offer your love and keep on giving second chances. When they fail you offer discipline and love in the same hand. It is this kind of support that children thrive under.

God's gift of grace to us really isn't any different than this. I could write a book about all the things I have done that are wrong. I am past second chances. I sometimes repeat the same mistake several times and I even struggle with some things continuously. I am not proud of it, but I am a sinner. However, I have a Father who wants me to get up and try again. Grace doesn't have to be something you search for or have to earn. It doesn't even have to be a great mystery. God does love us and wants to give us this great gift. Grace is not a secret or exclusive to one group of people. Grace is for all of us!

Someday I hope to share in greater detail what grace is with my children. There is one thing I will share with my children now and that is to never give up on growing with God because God will never give up on us! I hope that they can see that I am not perfect but that the power of prayer has taught me to be persistent and to keep trying. The journey of faith changes sometimes and can seem mysterious but with persistence you will get to where you need to be.

A Few Reflections

Yesterday was the start of the Lenten season for Christians all across the world. Lent is a time for personal reflection and growing--a time to turn away from sin and repent from anything keeping you from God. We have never been the best at attending church and giving God our full attention. In a world with all the electronic distractions and busy schedules, God often gets put on hold. We have been very bad about putting God on hold and have recognized that it is time to grow with Him in our lives again. To keep our family focused on what really matters, we will be working on a new thing every week to keep us more mindful of God's presence in our lives.

This week our focus is prayer. We are going to try and incorporate prayer into our lifestyle. Not just praying at dinner or before bed, but talking one on one with God in our moments of frustration and anger--asking for patience when we need it the most. But we also will pray to God and share our joys with him and be thankful for what he has given us. It is my hope that by starting with a strong focus on prayer we can make God a bigger part of our lives and he can guide us not just through the rest of Lent, but the rest of 2010.

So here is our prayer for the day:

Dear Lord, help us to be keepers of your plan. Help us to do good works and walk away from all that keeps us from you. Let us be strong and patient in the face of opposition. Encourage us with your spirit when we are discouraged in our weakest moments. Comfort us when we need a friend and feel alone. Let us be reminded of your love for us, that you gave away your only son so that we could be free of sin. All that we have been given is because of you, and we are so thankful Lord. Help us oh Lord to be who you made us to be--your servants. Amen.